If you're thinking about harming yourself, please don't wait for a good chat to fix it. In the US you can call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) at any hour. Elsewhere, your local emergency number can connect you to help.
Why talking to someone new can help
Loneliness is often loudest in the evening, when the day's noise stops. Reading other people's posts doesn't really answer it; it's one-way. A conversation is two-way. Someone asks how your day was, laughs at your joke, tells you about their city. For ten minutes you're not alone in the room.
A stranger has a strange advantage here, too. There's no history and no expectation. You don't have to explain why you haven't called, and you can talk about something light without it meaning anything. That low pressure is what makes it easy to start, especially on video, where a smile does half the work.
What online chat can't do
- A stranger on a video chat is not a counsellor or a therapist, and shouldn't be treated as one.
- One good call won't make loneliness that has lasted months go away on its own.
- Nobody on a chat can check on you tomorrow if things get worse.
If feeling alone has started to affect your sleep, your appetite or your days, talking to a doctor or a mental health professional is a better first step than any website, ours included.
How to make a lonely night's chat a good one
- Lower the stakes. You're not looking for a best friend in one call. A pleasant ten minutes is a win.
- Have an easy opener ready. "What's the best thing that happened to you today?" works better than "hi" and a long silence.
- Ask about them. People light up when they talk about where they live, what they do or what they're watching. You'll feel less on the spot, too.
- It's fine to press Next. If a call feels flat, move on. It says nothing about you.
- Set yourself a stopping point. An hour, or three calls. Ending on a good conversation feels better than chatting until you're tired.
Turning a good conversation into a regular one
The calls that help most tend to be the second and third ones, with someone you already know a little. When a chat goes well, tap Follow. She goes into your follow list, so next time you can find her and start another video chat instead of starting from zero. You can keep in touch with messages between calls, too. The homepage section on how to make friends online walks through it.
Signs it's time to log off
- You feel worse after chatting than before. Take a break; try again another day, or try something offline.
- You're spending more than you meant to. Free video matches are handed out every day, but calls after that cost coins. A notice appears before billing starts. Decide your budget before you start, not during a call.
- Someone asks you for money, gift cards or codes. That's a scam, however good the conversation felt. Report it. Our Safety Center lists the usual tricks.
- You're skipping sleep or plans to stay on.
Other ways to feel less alone
Online chat works best as one thing among several. Message one person you already know, even if it's been a while; most people are glad to hear from you. Look for something you can do regularly with other people around, like a class, a club, a team or volunteering, because seeing the same faces every week is how acquaintances become friends. And if you'd like to talk to someone new tonight, start a video chat; someone is online.